a one-girl exploration of what it means to be a sex-positive feminist. gender, sexuality, feminism, sluttiness, and post-modernism

Monday, May 22, 2006

This is about dating sites and abortion.

The dating site OkCupid improves the degree to which two people will "match" based on answering multiple choice questions that both the site maintainers create, and the site users submit. It's a cool site, lots of interesting people, and as a bonus, it's 100% free.

Here's one of the questions asked by the site. It is, as I recall, a user-written question:

Hypothetically, if you had an unwanted child on the way, what would you do?
1 - Abort it
2 - Give it up for Adoption
3 - Keep it regardless


This question seems odd to me. Mostly because as written it implies that a man answering the question could legitimately made a decision about a woman's right to choose.

If the question is intended to ascertain a view on abortion, might I suggest the following as a better question:
How do you feel about abortion?
a) I am pro-choice
b) I am pro-life
c) I respect the right to have an abortion, but I would not want to have one/want my partner to have one

I know this may make me come off as man hating feminist. I don't really care. This is one of the things on which I am very firm: a woman's right to choose is a woman's right to choose. She should have access to a safe, medically supported, and medicare-covered abortion. It should be her decision to have one, or not have one. Not her partner's, not her doctor's, not her government's.

That isn't to say that women shouldn't have the good sense to make the decision with their partners (should such a person be a positive part of her life), and/or to tell the father if she decides to keep it, because that's just basic human niceness.

As an addendum, an online acquaintance once explained to me her view on abortion: she said "I would like there not to have to be abortion. I would like every child to come into the world as a loved, cherished, and nurtured individual. In the meantime, there is abortion, and it should be legal, safe, and affordable." I thought this was very sensible.

18 Comments:

Blogger Milo said...

I think people tend to forget the point you so effectively make here. To me, I would think that any such decision should be based on a mutual discussion, but you're right, ultimately, it is HER choice.

Still, I think an important gradation should be pointed out here. Is the couple in question a one-night stand, a early-dating pair, a bonded couple? Happily married? Miserably married? I think such differences in stati will dramatically affect the choices of both partners. Bear in mind, however, that this observation has no bearing on my status as proc-choice.

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